


Undoable Past

by lavii_is_trash



Category: Smundig, The Oddfice
Genre: Bullying, Character Story, Drabbles, Gen, Kidnapping, Laviis backstory, SigLore, SigSelf, SigSona, Smundig - Freeform, brine - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-25 05:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13827117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavii_is_trash/pseuds/lavii_is_trash
Summary: She walks down a hall, people dismissing you like you are nothing.In their eyes, all her mistakes weigh so much more than every nice thing she did.Every good word, every time she was helpful doesn’t matter.It matters when she looked weird when she said things that aren’t acceptable.or Sig!Lavii's sad backstory in form of drabbles





	1. No rain can wash away those words

**Author's Note:**

> The backstory of Lavii from the TTM Discord Fandom "Smundig"/"The Oddfice"

_No rain can wash away those words_

* * *

 

"Stop breathing so loud!" "I am literally not able to do so."

* * *

**I.**

 

Sometimes you only notice the things people have done to you much later, often when it's already too late, often when the things they said are already spreading in your mind like poison.

 

The thing they said forming into a truth almost impossible to get rid of. Like a curse not letting anything else get to you.

Suddenly all the times they called you ugly, you cannot believe anything else,

Suddenly all compliments sound like lies or don’t reach you.

 

She walks down a hall, people dismissing you like you are nothing.

In their eyes, all her mistakes weigh so much more than every nice thing she did.

Every good word, every time she was helpful doesn’t matter.

It matters when she looked weird when she said things that aren’t acceptable.

 

The girl sits next to her few “friends”, pushing through it, doing her best because what else is she supposed to do?

 

At this point, she isn’t even noticing herself that cracks are forming, slowly and painfully.

Around her heart, they are starting to break in. Destroying her porcelain skin.

 

Oh, she noticed it was too late when the damage was done.

No changing, no compliments nothing could change what manifested in her.


	2. I hope I’m leaving soon because this is no solution

_I hope I’m leaving soon because this is no solution_

* * *

 

"I wish I wasn't here anymore..."

* * *

 

**II.**

 

She stopped being there some time ago. Everyone talking over her head, yelling and fighting with each other.   
But now they seem far away.    
The couch.   
The room.   
This body seems far away.   
Somewhere in this room, a girl is breaking, slowly and quietly in a room filled with yells.   
With anger and misunderstanding.   
  
If you would listen closely you could hear the porcelain break slowly.     
It would feel like a solid crack on soft skin.   
Out of place but right where it should be.    
  
Though all the people around her didn't even notice the obvious sign, the tears in her eyes.    
Maybe she didn't even notice them herself.   
Maybe she doesn't even know how she got here.   
Maybe she doesn't know how to get away.   
Maybe she doesn't know how to be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not uploading!  
> I already have five of them finished but I just have gotten around to post them here.


	3. It’s the only time when the words make her angry

_ It’s the only time when the words make her angry _

* * *

 

"I'm sick of not being listened to!"

* * *

 

**III.**

 

A father shouldn't make you want to argue.

Shouldn’t make you angry like that.

But her’s doesn’t stop.

She doesn’t know when they started arguing or what even was the point but his tone makes her angry, makes her feel like whatever she does or whatever she says is wrong. 

That she is wrong.

She hates feeling like that.

Like she is something wrong. 

But what else than arguing could she do? 

In the end, even when he agrees, her voice is unheard.

Like her words don’t matter or are forgotten quickly.

Though she keeps trying with the same words, the same reasons and the same arguments.

She has to.

 

He asked her once why she doesn’t like to be touched by him?

Why she shies away why he tries to hug her or casually puts down his hand on her shoulder.

She just shook her head and thought that she lost that special kind of trust, the emotional trust, in him. 

The way you trust your best friend with your secrets and feelings, the trust in which you could hug for hours in silence and have a good time.

She couldn’t tell you when she lost that kind of trust in her father. 

But it happened.

Though, she would never tell this to his face.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sometimes she is pale like porcelain_

* * *

"How can there be cracks in my skin? What kind of world is this?"

* * *

 

**IV.**

 

 

She noticed it first when she was showering.

Small cracks in her skin.

They felt hollow and like they were ripping through solid porcelain.

Forming around her chest, right above her heart.

With a mirror, she looked into the biggest one, but it was just black.

Black like a void, devouring everything in its way.

 

A thought came up, full with a sad honesty, the cracks, the color, that’s exactly how she felt.

Like a void inside devouring all her emotions all happiness and light.

Through cracks, it's breaking out of her.

 

The hot water from the shower, falling upon her rinses into those cracks in her skin, in her soul and disappears into the endless void within her.

 

Over time the cracks grow; On her arms, on the back of her legs, on her stomach and wherever someone else physically hurts her.

Hiding them from everyone's eyes is her only solution.

Because she couldn’t ever answer their questions.

 

The cracks keep coming.

 

She is broken she thinks.

She is breaking she realizes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is more or less literal.  
> Welcome to the weird world of the Oddverse :7


	5. They see her but she is not there

_They see her but she is not there_

* * *

 

"It's not a heaviness, No. It's more like...floating."

* * *

 

**V.**

 

Whenever she is here, she is grounded like a statue, _I wish I wasn't_ she thinks

And it's a guilty though, a bad one she shouldn't think.

 

And oh how far is she away to day?

How many times has she flown away to stop hurting, to stop letting everything come to close to her heart?

How many times has she tried to get away?

 

Too many she would think. Not enough she’d add.

 

And when she was good, almost completely back on earth and grounded, she hated herself for wishing she was flying again, being away so far that her vision got blurry,

That the sounds weren't getting to her,

That everything seemed like a dream

That time wasn't a thing anymore.

Just a concept.

Just something.

Just far far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last one for today! Already working one more!  
> Comment if you have questions or like it or anything!


	6. I promise under my wing you’re save

_ I promise under my wing you’re save _

* * *

 

"It's okay. I love you"

* * *

 

**VI.**

 

She grew up with it.

With putting others before her.

Always.

So it comes naturally to her to make them feel safe.

To protect them from the painful things.

From all punches and kicks.

From the emotional knives.

From themselves.

 

One of these people she protects is her sister.

Four years younger with the same emotional baggage she deals with.

But different 

Oh, so many times she took the little one into her arms.

Holding her.

Shielding her.

Making sure she knows she is loved.

 

Sometimes the little one goes on a craze.

Though no one can deal with her.

So it's her job to calm her, protect her.

From everyone else and herself.

 

All she is saying is. 

Even after she is gone, she`ll care for you.

She´ll care for everyone that needs it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no.  
> I realized I made mistakes with the roman numbers...  
> I'll fix them!  
> Sorry!


	7. I'll be your shield, shielding you from all the pain

_ I'll be your shield, shielding you from all the pain _

* * *

 

"What is that in your face? It looks like cracks?" "It's nothing, sweetie, don't worry."

* * *

 

**VII.**

She knows it's not the little one's fault.

She knows that her mind is messing with her.

That her family is messing with her.

The little one thinks she is unloved.

That maybe yelling and kicking is the only way to get attention.

 

But she knows the little one is wrong.

She is loved.

Even though it doesn't seem like it.

 

So, of course, she’ll shield her little sister when he wants to silence her.

And of course, she takes the punch and cracks.

 

There is yelling.

So much yelling.

 

So she takes her up to calm the little one.

Hold her close and tell her that's okay.

That her own cracks will heal.

That she will take her away from here.

 

Away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in a row whoop!  
> Also almost halfway there!  
>  ~~Maybe there will be more today! Just gotta write them!~~


End file.
